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I'm a systematically disappointing spin-off of the best friend you'll ever have and the worst enemy you'll ever make. I hate the third month of the year, I love Betty White, I fear old age, I'm a decent writer, an okay pianist, a terrible jack-in-the-box of puns and tear jerking one liners, and I can't dance.
I make every error of human reasoning, I don't break promises, I'm not a solipsist, I can't waste time, I'm a hypocrite, & a flirtatious cornucopia of cliche causes and ironic effects. My heart and my head are the same like in shrimp, and I'm begging just begging to get my heart broken by the next Byronic hero that walks by.
Give me a polar bear, and I'll give you my soul-which is nothing but a blissful reminder of why you miss childhood, and a spinning vortex of stinging insecurities and paralyzing self-doubt.
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So, today…
I decided that I would help out a friend who was stranded on some tractor trailer on its way to PA coming down from Maine. So I drove up to New Hampshire to pick him up.
On the way back to Salem, we hit traffic. I was already going to be late for work, because the truck was late in meeting up with me, and I said aloud: “I hate my life.”
His response was, “You’re hot. You’re hot, and you have great legs and you’re wearing a sundress. The world is your oyster, kid.”
And all I could think was like,
Why don’t I surround myself with more people like this?
Curly was the best character on this show, period
(Source: louistomlinnson, via drockwood91)
This is the climax of a three day fight with my (ex?) boyfriend.
I know I have a fickle heart
And a bitterness
And a wandering eye
And a heaviness in my head,
But don’t you remember?
Don’t you remember the reason you loved me before?
Baby please remember me once more.
Finding out your boyfriend got a tattoo without telling you. Putting it on instagram to let you know, when it was the ONE promise he made that he wouldn’t, and you’re also horny and lying next to him, is a pretty big example of the fact that a. Khama exists and b. at the end of the day, nobody is more important to someone than themselves.
Guess I’ll just go to work or whatever now.
I used to feel guilty about the fact that I never feel guilty.
But then I realized if that if I did feel guilt I’d have too many fake friendships with even faker people.
So like.
I guess it’s cool.
I invite you all to over analyze this endlessly.
