January 2010
14 posts
Lying for the Sake of Humour.
ivotedyes: i convinced my gym class in highschool that bananas used to walk the earth with the dinosaurs
ivotedyes: and that they devolved.
“Why does she look like a slutty C3P0?” -Brett, whilst watching...”
8:30 am
Andy Mattox: *waking up momentarily* I just had the weirdest dream.
Me: Oh yeah?
Andy Mattox: Yeah, it was all about the Strawberry Law.
Me: ...is there such a thing?
Andy Mattox: *drifting back to sleep* I don't think so.
A Visit to Lush
Me: I don't know, I just don't like the smell of this soap, it nauseates me.
Rachel: Oh shut up, the smell of Cheez-it's nauseates you.
Me: Oh my God, I just ran over an animal in the road, granted, it was already dead, but still.
James: So?
Me: So even though I didn't kill it, I still feel like I encouraged its death.
James: Nah, you didn't encourage anything. Granted, you do look like an idiot from animal heaven.
UPDATE.
After the boiling incident, Channing Tatum’s “penis is fantastic.” PHEW. Meanwhile, shit in Haiti sucks. So glad I watch the news!
I Hate Everybody.
I was watching E! News, and that chick with the reality show for no reason came on saying “What I’m about to say, they don’t train you for in journalism school.” She looked dead at the camera, and I was thinking “Are they going to talk about Haiti? Was there a tsunami?” No. Channing Tatum boiled his penis. WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SHIT. WTF@SOCIETY. OH, AND BIG...
This is my manager.
Me: *wailing The Cranberries off-key in a company car*
James: *rolling down window, and getting the attention of some random guy on a bike* WOULD YOU SWITCH PLACES WITH ME? WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT HERE? I'LL TAKE THE BIKE, YOU GET TO SIT IN THE CAR? NO? *biker bikes away* That man, is outside on a 21 speed bike in freezing temperatures, and he didn't even want to sit in this car with you.
Me: *continues to sing The Cranberries off-key*
You know when you talk shit via text messaging and you accidentally send it to the person you’re talking shit about?
My mom does it all the time to me. Except she does it so goddamned often, I start to wonder if it’s actually on purpose, and it serves as some sort of fucked in the head 21st century method of tough love parenting.
Either way, her two cents about me and how I suck at...
1 tag
This Is How I Know Who My Best Friends Are
Me: I kind of feel like going to Fall River. Is that bad?
Meg: Yes. Wait, is that a serious question?
Me: Why is it that every time I say this to a good friend, they respond the exact same way?
Meg: Why do you want to go to Fall River?
Me: Because I'm bored.
Meg: Oh. And so you want your life to suck more. Gotcha.
1 tag
Update!
Lately, I’ve become nocturnal. But it’s odd because I’m enjoying the slumber due to the dreams I’ve been having, which are all relative to the bane of my existence. Also, I’ve been really bored. And boredom only ensues when I have writer’s block.
I’ve been living life out of a tote bag I bought at work for 10 dollars. My wardrobe is nothing but black, and...
1 tag
Things I Need To Do Quite Soon
1. Finish my stupid Education final. 2. Upload all of my New Year’s pictures. 3. Take days off from work. 4. Get home, and shower. 5. Do laundry!! 6. Get my car fixed. 7. Get that amazing duvet from Anthropologie. 8. Send that script! 9. Update my book of things. Start my new one. Find my old one. 10. Hang out with Kaitlena Cash. 11. Get an iPod Touch. 12. Get my books for school. 13. Clean...
“You know you’re a bitch when your name is a letter.” -Lauren Smith”
I spent my New Year’s drinking with 50 year olds, and on the phone with the biggest douchebag I’ve ever known in my life. This year, I didn’t kiss anyone at midnight (yes, I still have standards…slightly), and I didn’t even yell anything. I just sat in a chair by a pool table alone in a basement, watched the ball drop in a drunken haze, and then wished said douchebag...