January 2011
13 posts
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The problem with you’s the problem with this world.
It’s an ugly world, and you, you’re an ugly girl.
Night! :)
I Just Have To Say...
I’m glad I have perfect vision. I’m glad I have decently good teeth. I’m glad my hair can do anything. I’m glad my forehead doesn’t have a solar glare to it.
But most of all? I’m glad I have friends that love me back. Oh, and I get laid.
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The Golden Girls with My Cousin
Me: You know, I noticed...I used to be the Sophia when I was younger..then I was basically Dorothy. I was pretty much ALWAYS the Dorothy amongst my friends. But I'm noticing. ...the past couple of years of college, I've legitimately been the Blanche. Is that bad?
Jimmy: Nah, it happens to all of us. I used to be the great Gatsby. Now I'm the guy next door who's all like, "..'EY. TURN IT DOWN OVER THERE, I GOTTA GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING."
Feasting on Breadbowls & Hamburger Helper.
Jimmy: I think I'm gonna get another serving...and then another one, & by my third serving I'm just gonna eat the bread bowl.
Me: this whole thing makes me feel like Templeton from Charlotte's Web.
Jimmy: this makes me want to fuck Charlotte from Sex & the City.
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Battle of the Sexes.
Jimmy: Maybe men would treat women better if women were NICER.
Me: Or if we learned to communicate our feelings.
Jimmy: Exactly.
Me: Then again, if guys EVER communicated their feelings, girls wouldn't feel insecure about communicating THEIRS all the time.
Jimmy: Well maybe if girls would listen...then guys would communicate.
Me: We listen! ....well. No, you win.
Jimmy: Exactly. They just sit there thinking "I wonder what Snooki's gonna do on Jersey Shore tonight. Probably sleep with J-Wow and The Situation at the same time. Wouldn't that be great? Lol, smiley face." and then we ask if they were listening and they go "Of course. If you need to get your oil changed, just get your oil changed." And it's like "Honey, I was talking about my father dying." "Well what do you expect? He was old. I have to pee. There's a situation that I need to take care of. Omg, get it? Situation?! I'm so FUNNY. Look at ME."
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WatchI’m uploading this here because Facebook doesn’t work all the time, and I’d hate to do it several times in vain, and also, Youtube always delays fucking everything. So.
This is for Brian Finney, and my former high school classmates, and everyone else who has asked me several times over the years to record myself doing my impression of Shakira singing “Underneath Your...
“I love you even if you’re not up to date on your Partridge Family. And if...”
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WatchThis child is like…the light of my life.
Also, my family mooing in unison is KINDA creepy sounding.
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Me: Looking at her unemployed ass and saying "I have three jobs" was the kind of experience that makes me not kill myself.
Jimmy: You know those fucked up things you hear that you go "Wow, thats fucked up" and then the ones where you go "Holy shit that's awesome?"
Me: Yeah.
Jimmy: That was the second one.
