Twittering
Flickring
I'm a systematically disappointing spin-off of the best friend you'll ever have and the worst enemy you'll ever make. I hate the third month of the year, I love Betty White, I fear old age, I'm a decent writer, an okay pianist, a terrible jack-in-the-box of puns and tear jerking one liners, and I can't dance.
I make every error of human reasoning, I don't break promises, I'm not a solipsist, I can't waste time, I'm a hypocrite, & a flirtatious cornucopia of cliche causes and ironic effects. My heart and my head are the same like in shrimp, and I'm begging just begging to get my heart broken by the next Byronic hero that walks by.
Give me a polar bear, and I'll give you my soul-which is nothing but a blissful reminder of why you miss childhood, and a spinning vortex of stinging insecurities and paralyzing self-doubt.
Following
Listening
Sometimes I think to myself,
This relationship is killing me, and I just want to end it, but I don’t know how.
Other times, I think, I just want to live with him and cuddle every day for forever!
MOST times, I just think about becoming famous and eating really good food that’s served in super large plates that’s totally overpriced but also healthy.
People will read about me eating in US Weekly and think “I wish I could be there eating with that famous chick.”
And this will be good. Because by reading about me in US Weekly, they wont be thinking about their half amazing half miserable relationships either.
I think my goal is to distract the world like it’s my child, and all I want to give it, is everything I never had growing up.
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